Y’know, I’ve always prided myself on being the column of advice. Or something like that. I’m the listener, the sympathizer, the third party opinion. I take in all the complaints patiently, I ask attentive and caring questions, and I offer my opinion and advice in a following course of action. It’s a role I took on unobtrusively, without noticing or particularly making an effort. And sometimes I’ll snip about it, that I’m too nice, why does so and so always talk to me about this.
But the truth is I love it. Maybe it makes me feel that people value my opinion, or hold me in high esteem. They see me as someone intelligent who is capable of giving sound advice, whose view is worth knowing. They basically trust me enough with their secrets or problems, and trust me to guide them in a positive direction. It’s extremely flattering and I’ve learned to be proud of it.
Today I learned that my friends maybe don’t really need me anymore.
At least in that regard, I don’t know, maybe they still need me for something as asinine as my company (I wouldn’t say I’ve ever really been pleasurable company). But my role as negotiator, listener, advisor has diminished further and further — or I’ve been replaced with someone else and have thus been informed of this replacement. It hurts a little when the latter happens, really.
But J used to call me with all of his problems, all the time, and now I never hear from him. He can scarcely pretend it’s because he doesn’t need it anymore, the crazy girlfriend is more than enough. T went through a breakup and doesn’t want to talk to me about it. I can’t say I blame him, he’s upset obviously, but I’m the one who’s supposed to be the perfect shoulder to cry on about things like that. And A is learning to stand up for herself and get some respect and doesn’t need me as a bodyguard: apparently there was a little bitching-boxing-jerk-punching-bag match out by the garbage dumpster that I am sad to say I missed.
If I sound all miserable and broken up about it, truly, I’m not. Maybe just a little disappointed and wistful. In some cases, like A, it’s brilliant — good for her taking care of things herself. But I still wish I was held in enough confidence and regard to be there to comfort some people.
Your friends will always need you on some level. Don’t you worry about it. Whenever I have a problem I know that you are there, with no judgment, to help me and give me advice. Although I might not come to you about them (given the distance), it’s the knowing you’re there that gives me comfort.
It’s natural to be a little selfish and miss people leaning on you. I think it’s natural, too, to feel abandoned and sad when people go to others first. It just hit me recently that everyone has new friends, friends in close proximity, that can be there for them in ways I cannot. It hurts and stings, but just think, new people are in your life too, who will begin to open up to you and have you be their “person.”
And since that’s not entirely comforting, just remember: you helped shape who we are today. I know you said something to that effect, but just remember that. We love you for it. I love you for it. You’ll always be my listener, my advisor, my friend, when I need you most.
Sorry to be so sappy (but I mean it). P.S. I love your company. You’re sarcastic and it makes me laugh
Love and miss you,
Kathryn
Comment by milele136 — November 7, 2008 @ 1:42 am